


A Touch of Realism Among the Falsehood

by VicesVsVirtues



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, Love Letters, Notes, Peter's POV, Speculation, truth behind the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-03 21:41:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15827493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VicesVsVirtues/pseuds/VicesVsVirtues
Summary: When he first suggested the notes, it never occurred to him to simply hand her a folded piece of paper with just her name on to put up a front to Gen. No, he wanted to write actual notes. He knew Lara Jean would appreciate them, even if they weren’t anything of consequence. She was a romantic at heart, and even though this whole thing was fake, he could afford her some realism.Or:Peter's inspiration behind the notes he gives to Lara Jean





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Peter could have easily, as an act for Gen, given Lara Jean blank pieces of paper, but no... he actually writes notes. I wanted to explore his thought process behind them. Well, my speculation of his thought process...
> 
> I'm pulling details from both the movie and the book because otherwise, this will be crazy short. I don't know how long it'll be, but it's not going to be an epic... I hope, but would that honestly be a bad thing? We all need more Covinsky in our lives!
> 
> This fic is unbeta'd and any errors are all mine.
> 
> Obviously, I don't own these characters or the settings, but they own my heart. they've taken it over in a matter of days!

_ Dear Peter K., _

_ First of all I refuse to call you Kavinsky. You think you’re so cool, going by your last name all of a sudden. Just so you know, Kavinsky sounds like the name of an old man with a long whitebeard _

_ Did you know that when you kissed me,I would come to love you? Sometimes I think yes. Definitely yes. You know why? Because you think EVERYONE loves you, Peter. That’s what I hate about you. Because everyone does love you. Including me. I did. Not any more. _

_ Here are your worst qualities: _

_ You burp and you don;t say excuse me. You just assume everyone else will find it charming. And if they don’t, who cares, right? Wrong! You do care. You care a lot about what people think of you. _

_ You always take the last piece of pizza. You never ask if anyone else wants it. That’s rude. _

_ You’re so good at everything. Too good. You could’ve given other guys a chance to be good, but you never did. _

_ You kissed me for no reason. Even though I knew you liked Gen, and you knew you liked Gen, and Gen knew you liked Gen. But you still did it. Just because you could. I really want to know: Why would you do that to me? My first kiss was supposed to be something special. I’ve read about it, what it’s supposed to feel like - fireworks and lightning bolts and the sound of waves crashing in your ears. I didn’t have any of that. Thanks to you it was as unspecial as a kiss could be. _

_ The worst part of it is, that stupid nothing kiss is what made me start liking you. I never did before. I never even thought about you before. Gen has always said that you are the best-looking boy in our grade, and I agreed, because sure, you are. But I still didn’t see the allure of you. Plenty of people are good-looking. That doesn’t make them interesting or intriguing or cool. _

_ Maybe that’s why you kissed me. To do mind control on me, to make me see you that way. It worked. Your little trick worked. From then on, I saw you. Up close, your face wasn’t so much handsome as beautiful. How many beautiful boys have you ever seen? For me it was just one. You. I think it’s a lot to do with your lashes. You have really long lashes. Unfairly long. _

_ Even though you don’t deserve it, fine, I’ll go into all the things I like(d) about you: _

_ One time in science, nobody wanted to be partners with jeffrey Suttleman because he has BO, and you volunteered like it was no big deal. Suddenly everybody thought Jeffrey wasn’t so bad. _

_ You’re still in chorus, even though all the other boys take band and orchestra now. You even sing solos. And you dance, and you’re not embarrassed. _

_ You were the last boy to get tall. And now you’re the tallest, but it’s like you earned it. Also, when you were short, no one even cared that you were short - the girls still liked you and the boys still picked you first for basketball in gym. _

_ After you kissed me, I liked you for the rest of seventh grade and most of eighth. It hasn’t been easy, watching you with Gen, holding hands and making out at the bus loop. You probably make her feel very special. Because that’s your talent, right? You’re good at making people feel special. _

_ Do you know what it’s like to like someone so much you can’t stand it and know that they’ll never feel the same way? _

_ Probably not. People like you don’t have to suffer through those kinds of things. It was easier after gen moved and we stopped being friends. At least then I didn’t have to hear about it. _

_ And now that the year is almost over, I know for sure that I am also over you you. I’m immune to you now, peter. I’m really proud to say that I’m the only girl in this school who has been immunized to the charms of Peter Kavinsky. All because I had a really bad dose of you in seventh grade and most of eighth. Now I never ever have to worry about catching you again. What a relief! I bet if I did ever kiss you again, I would definitely catch something, and it wouldn’t be love. It would be and STD! _

_ Lara Jean Song. _

It was the letter that started it all. Even though he’d given it back to Lara Jean after talking to her on the track, he could remember it word for word. It was ingrained on his brain and the words went round and round, almost driving him insane.

The day it had arrived in the mail, he’d been confused. He  _ never  _ received mail, especially not written in the fanciest handwriting he’d ever seen. The moment he’d read it, twice to make sure he wasn’t imagining things, he was transported back to that day in the Sundance Kid’s basement. Nothing special actually happened. They just all hung out, their usual circle of friends, on their own. Peter and the other boys played video games while the girls sat together, huddled around their phones.

Peter and Lara Jean were the last ones to be picked up by their parents. They were sitting on the couch and peter couldn’t ignore how nice her hair smelled as she messed with her phone, not talking to him. It smelled so good, he had to tell her. Told her something lame about it reminding him of Hawaii as he scooted closer to her. As she rambled on about shampoo, he leaned over and kissed her. His first kiss, and it wasn’t with Gen as he and everyone else expected it to be.

Reading the letter brought back so many memories of him noticing Lara Jean, a lot. Around school, around the neighbourhood, at the mall with Chris or her sisters. Even when he didn’t want to, he noticed her, saw her, took mental notes about her likes and dislikes. Took note of what was happening in her life - at least what she let the world around her see.

Then Lara jean catapulted herself into his arms and plants one on him. Right there, in the middle of the school hallway. He even kissed her back for a moment before she thanks him, climbs out of his arms, and runs away.

That was the beginning...

:: ::

“I could, uh… I could write you notes.”

Gen had always wanted him to give her little notes, another way for her to show off to her friends about how their relationship was perfect. From the outside looking in, he realised it looked like it was, but that was a facade. If he was honest with himself, he was a little relieved when she broke up with him for some college douche. He wanted to make her jealous, not necessarily get her back, despite what he told Lara Jean.

Deep down, he didn’t want Gen back, he just wanted her to know that he wasn’t her trophy. Not anymore, and that was her fault. As much as he had loved her, still did in a way that only someone’s first could remain in their heart. As much as I cared about her, I didn’t want to be with her anymore. As much as Lara Jean used me as her pawn, I was doing the same. Not to get close to Gen again, but to get close to Lara Jean.

When he first suggested the notes, it never occurred to him to simply hand her a folded piece of paper with just her name on to put up a front to Gen. No, he wanted to write actual notes. He knew Lara Jean would appreciate them, even if they weren’t anything of consequence. She was a romantic at heart, and even though this whole thing was fake, he could afford her  _ some  _ realism.

 


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter starts writing notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this is taken from the book, but I'll add in a couple from the movie and ones I've made up in the next chapter. If there's anything in particular you'd like me to write about, leave a comment or drop me an ask over on Tumblr (https://vicesvsvirtuesfanfic.tumblr.com/)

He decided, halfway through the day, to write the first note to give to her. What the hell was he going to write in a note to his fake girlfriend? He started off with just ‘hi’, screwed that up and shoved it in his bag. Next was ‘thank you’, and that one got scrapped. Tapping his pen against his lip, ignoring the teacher droning on at the front of the class he thought back over the day so far.

Gen had been pissed and shocked to see him and Lara Jean walk into the cafeteria that morning. Their plan was working, but Peter honestly didn’t care that much, but he had to act as if he did.

_ Dear Lara Jean _

_ Good job today _

_ Peter _

Yeah, that works. It wasn’t a lie, Lara Jean had done great. She wasn’t exactly the most outgoing kid in school and being surrounded by all of Peter’s friends was  _ way  _ out of her comfort zone, but she pulled through it and he was oddly proud of her.

The moment they separated, his friends were on him like white on rice, full of questions about him and Lara Jean. They all knew her, but they had never really noticed her before. A couple of the guys called her cute, and one even wondered how Peter managed to get her to date him. An odd feeling of… no, it wasn’t jealousy, flooded through him as he tried to give them minimal details, but still satisfy their curiosity.

:: ::

Sitting in his room, still in his lacrosse gear, Peter sat at his desk, a scrap of paper in front of him. He and Lara Jean had gone to a party the night before, and she’s handled it like a pro. If he hadn’t have known, he wouldn’t ever have guessed it had been her first.

For all her grumblings, he could tell she’d enjoyed herself, and then they’d left to hang out at The Corner Cafe. That was his favourite part of the night, just the two of them talking about their lives and she’d started to really open up to him. Well, it had been until she’d remind him that the entire thing between them was pretend.

He managed to hide the hurt he’d felt, or at least he thought he had. Judging by her comment under his Instagram picture, calling him a dork, she’d not noticed  _ that  _ much, but he decided to write her a note to make sure she understood that he was indeed cool.

_ Thanks for coming to the party. _

_ Had a great time, even if  _

_ You didn’t let me have the last fry _

_ Peter _

He tucked it into his bag, ready to give it to Lara Jean the next day and went to shower off the sweat from practice. When he glanced into the mirror above the sink, he couldn’t help but notice his smile. He never thought he’d enjoy writing notes to a girl over sending her a text.

:: ::

_ Tart and Tangy after school? _

_ Yes   No _

He even drew little boxes for her to tick, indicating her answer, which he found between lessons in his locker. This was going to be a big test, taking Lara jean to Tart and Tangy with his lacrosse teammates and other friends. While they all hung out in the caf, and they seemed to genuinely like Lara Jean being around, that was at school.

Once he’d realised that Gen wasn’t going to show, Peter managed to relax and enjoy himself. Watching his friends accept Lara Jean was great and made him realise how much of a division Gen had caused between them when she was around.

Lara Jean never demanded his sole attention - she was happy for him to talk and joke with his friends while she did the same. At times, he could still see she was uncomfortable with the attention, like when Gabe gave her the nickname Large, but with a little help and a rescue from Peter, she was able to laugh it off.

She’d seemed honestly surprised when he’d told her that his friends liked her as they sat in his car outside her house. He couldn’t understand why, she may have been quiet and a little introverted, but she was genuine. People were drawn to her once she let loose with her humour and enjoyed being part of a group.

A couple of times, when they were in the cafeteria at school, he couldn’t help but notice her watching Sanderson watching her. Ever since they’d become a ‘couple’, Sanderson had seemed to stay away, but it didn’t stop him watching them. Peter didn’t like it. He dated Lara Jean’s sister for Christ sake; he shouldn’t be eyeing up Peter’s girlfriend, fake or not.

:: ::   
  


_ Can I come over tonight to study for the test? _

Peter hated Chemistry, and it didn’t help that, a - their teacher was boring as hell, and that Lara Jean sat directly behind him and all he could smell was the coconut scent of her shampoo.

_ I don’t remember study sessions being in the contract.  _ Wounded, he turn to look at her, but she’s grinning and lets me know she’s kidding.

He plans to go over, He really does, but Gen sounded so upset when she called to say she needed him. He spent all evening with her, trying to work out what was wrong, but all she did was cry and try to get him to hold her.

Deep down, Peter knew he was being played and that he fell for it, but they’d dated for so long. Most of the feelings he’d felt for her were real, still were, but he knew she had a weird hold on him. Not that he’d ever admit it to Lara Jean - although, she’s crazy perceptive and probably already knows.

She gave him shit for it, and when she finally lets him read through her chem notes at lunch, Peter knows he’s forgiven, but wants to make it up to her somehow. Make her not want to hang out with Sanderson again in revenge. Realistically, he knew it wasn’t for revenge, Lara Jean really did like the guy - as a friend.

Peter couldn’t see the attraction, but she’d never questioned his loyalties to his friends. Even on Halloween she was still joking around with the guy with their matching costumes. That had grated at him, even though Gen could have fit in with him and the guys’ group costumes. 

She’d been in a shitty mood with him from the moment he’d picked up up from school, and he’d only made matters worse by ragging on her about Sanderson. After they talked and made up, he wrote her another note, this one was more of a promise than anything.

_ I’ll be on time tomorrow. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little worried this is going a little too fast. What do you think


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's starting to get attached to Kitty... and Lara Jean meets his family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mixture between the book and the film without so much of my own made up notes.

It was only the notes he gave to her in class that he got to see her read. Watching as her eyes lit up at what he wrote, or seeing them soften as she smiled before tucking it into a textbook or her bag made it all worthwhile.

He’d honestly expected to hate writing them. He was much more a quick text kind of guy - they were instant, and he got the required response immediately. However, he was enjoying the anticipation of not knowing her reaction straight away.

_ I meant what I said,  _

_ When all this is over, _

_ I want joint custody of Kitty _

_ Peter _

_ P.S. Thank you for letting me hang out at your house _

He left this one in her locker. He didn’t  _ want  _ to see her reaction. When he’d said it to her face, she’d completely threw him for a loop by planting a kiss on his cheek for being nice to her sister. To quote Elle Woods,  _ “what, like it’s hard?”  _ \- not that he would  _ ever  _ do that in front of Lara Jean. She would give him endless crap forever for admitting to loving that film.

He’d been to the Covey house a bunch of times, but so far, Lara Jean hadn’t been to his house. Something his mom had been quick to point out.

:: ::

The first time Peter saw, and took notice of it, Lara jean wearing blue since they started the whole fake relationship thing was on the day of one of his lacrosse games. He’d wanted to give her one of his spare jerseys,something Gen had asked him for time and time again but he’d never given her one, but thought it was too soon, so just told her to wear school colours.

She turned up to school having got the bus that morning so Peter could have a lie in on game day in a shirt exactly the right shade of blue to match the team, and had even co-ordinated her scrunchie to it. For a moment, he was struck dumb by how pretty she looked.

He didn’t realise he was staring until Gabe nudged him into the bank of lockers to his side.

“Dude, you got it bad.”

Ignoring his friend, Peter took a deep breath and made his way toward Lara Jean, not missing that Gen was walking along the hall wearing a dress the same colour as Lara Jean’s shirt.

_ You look pretty today. I like you in blue. _

:: ::

_ My mom wants you to come to dinner _

This was a note he needed to see her open and read so he could watch her react, and he was rewarded with wide-eyed shock, a squeak, and her rambling about not being sure it was the right time.

“Covey, we’ve been dating for ages now. I’ve been to your house loads, hung out with your sister, talked cars with your dad, and  _ suffered  _ through your questionable tastes in movies.”

“I do _ not  _ have questionable taste in movies Peter Kavinsky. Don’t forget, I saw you shedding a tear to The Notebook the other week.”

Wish a harsh  _ shhh  _ and a glance around the hallway around them, Peter tried to see if anyone was listening to them. Thankfully, people were so used to seeing them together now, no one paid them any more attention than anyone else huddled around lockers.

“I swear, you’re going to behind my reputation collapsing harder than communism.” He wasn’t angry though, how could he be when she was giggling, the sound warming him more than any hoodie ever could. “Not cool Covey, not cool. Dinner, my house, this Saturday.”

Without giving her the chance to squirm her way out of it, he walked away to class, feeling a little smug.

It had turned out better than he’d expected, despite his mom mentioning Lara Jean’s mom, but that was dealt with pretty quickly. Until it was just the two of them, alone in the kitchen.

As Peter watched Lara Jean talk about her mom, and when she let him rag on his dad without judging him and understanding why he said the things he did, he realised that he was buying into the fake side of their relationship as much as he knew he should have been…

_ It’s so cool how we can talk to each other about real stuff. _

He wasn’t lying. He’d never had a conversation deeper than what happened at the previous week’s party with Gen, but with Lara Jean it was different. Yeah, the set up may be fake, but the time they spent together was very real.

:: ::

Before the whole fake dating thing, all Peter ever thought about Lara Jean was that she was a bit of a goody goody. She was good in all of their shared classes, and wasn’t shy of showing people how smart she was and how hard she worked. It had grated on him at times, but for the most part, he didn’t pay her any mind or think about her beyond their time in lessons.  He’d always known she was pretty and had a great sense of style, but tried to squash those thoughts because it felt unfair to Gen for him to have them.

He thought back to the first day of junior year, before all this started, when Gen was giving her shit about those awesome combat boots. Lara Jean wasn’t what anyone could call tall. If anything, she was pocket sized - something his friends had commented on more than once, teasing the two of them about their insane height difference - but those boots had made her legs look really long. The shorts and over the knee socks had helped too…

Feeling a little warm, Peter shifted in his seat in English Lit as Lara Jean gave her presentation. He couldn’t actually remember what it was about, but everyone seemed to be listing intently. Smiling, he tore a page out of his notebook and began scribbling.

_ Lara Jean. Everyone was so impressed with your presentation in lit, but especially me. I love having a smarty pants fake girlfriend. _

He paused before writing ‘fake’, but he knew he needed to and checked that no one was looking over his shoulder as he finished the note. He dropped it into his pocket so he could drop it into Lara Jean’s locker on his way to his next class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas for a note, please message me either on Tumblr or Twitter


	4. Chapter Three

After a while, as Peter and Lara Jean fell into a routine, especially at school, his notes became much more mundane, and he didn’t need to put much thought into them - either that, or it was becoming easier for him. Being with her was so easy and stress free that he found that translating into the things he did for her.

_Meet you at your locker after school?_

A note passed to her as he went out of his way to meet her after a class they didn’t share to walk together to one they did. They didn’t sit together in any of their shared classes, but in between, and at the end of the school day, his friend joked he was whipped because they were always together - unless he had practice of course.

The strangest thing was that Peter didn’t mind people thinking he was whipped by Lara Jean. Not the way it did when people said it about Gen; when he would constantly refute it even though, deep down, he knew he was. It was different with lara Jean, she never demanded anything of him. Whatever he gave to her, to their relationship, was all on him. He was free to make his own choices, they just happened to want to involve her more and more.

:: ::

_Can I borrow you chemistry notes from yesterday?_

Rather than let him take her notes, Lara Jean made Peter go to her house so they could go over her notes together. She wanted to make sure that he understood them in their entirety because she knew he struggled with the subject. More than once she told him that she knew he was intelligent and could do the work, it was the way their teacher explained it.

The first time she said it, he took it the wrong way and snapped something about they both couldn’t be all knowing and a smarty pants like her before he stormed away from her feeling like an idiot. It wasn;t until he was halfway through conditioning that he realised he’d taken her words the wrong way. As soon as coach dismissed them, he found her in library and apologised.

She never took it badly when he doubted the meaning behind her words, not outwardly at least. With patience and grace, she took the time to help him see that he could do it, could understand it.

It was this side of Lara Jean that Peter made no secret of loving. He was free to crow about his clever girlfriend who encouraged him to do his best and work hard. Everyone knew that peter Kavinsky was going to college on a lacrosse scholarship and that up until he and Lara Jean were a thing, coasted along by doing the bare minimum of what was expected of him.

Now, thanks to her encouragement, his grades were up and he took pride in his work. His mum was over the moon, his teachers were surprised, and Peter basked in Lara Jean’s pride whenever he did well in a test or with an essay. It was this side of her that he wanted, needed to repay her for. Knowing she would never accept something personal from him, he roped in Little LJ.

:: ::

_Can you take the bus hometoday? I want to surprise Kitty and pick her up from school so she can show me and my car off to her friends._

“Oh my God!” Kitty ran over to where Peter was waiting for her, leaning against his two seater. “This is freaking awesome.” She flung her arms around him in a tight hug as her friends and classmates watched in open-mouthed shock.

“You ready to travel home in style, kid?”

“Hell yes!”

Peter moved to the side, pulling the door open, allowing her to slide into the passenger seat and clip her belt into place. With a grin and a wave to her friends who were still watching, he walked around the car and settled himself into the driver seat.

“You’re gonna ride this for months, aren’t you?” He asked as he started the engine.

“Dude, you’re Peter Kavinsky. Even in the middle school you’re famous, so of course I’m living off this for the rest of the year.” Lara Jean didn’t know that Kitty had been having a couple of issues with some of the kids in her grade thinking she was making up her connection to him. It was the main reason he’d shown up to surprise her, put the crap to rest. Not that Kitty Song-Covey couldn’t handle herself, but everyone needed to accept help sometimes.

“I’m glad to be of service.” He pulled away from the school and drove the familiar journey to Lara Jean’s house.

When he pulled up outside the house, Kitty naturally invited him inside to wait for Lara Jean to get home. Agreeing, they walked along the path together. Before Kitty opened the door, she turned to Peter with a nervous look on her face, very unlike her.

“Thank you for today Peter. I can see why Lara Jean likes you so much.”

“You’re welcome.”

Lara Jean liked him?

:: ::

_Don’t forget to pack a Korean yogurt for me._

Although it was Kitty who introduced him to the amazingness that was the Korean yogurt drinks, but it was Lara Jean who brought him one every day. It would have been easy to buy his own, but he enjoyed having her do something for him, beyond putting on a show for everyone who was watching them.

That was Lara Jean though. She always thought about the feelings of others; her sisters, her dad, and now Peter, often before her own. He hadn’t noticed it before they started hanging out, before their agreement, had no reason to. But, spending time with her and her family, he saw the selfless side of Lara Jean.

He, his mom, and his brother were close, and he loved that his dad leaving them had made them a solid unit, but the more he hung around the Covey house, the more he realised that he hadn’t spent as much time with Owen as he should.

Admittedly, the brothers didn’t have the same interests the way Lara Jean and Kitty did, but he vowed to spend time with his little brother, just hanging out and playing video games; and he did. He got to know Owen as a person rather than as his little brother.

Just something else to thank Lara Jean for…


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Peter starting to reconsider his feelings?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a short update, but I have to admit that now I'm nearing the end of this story, I'm starting to struggle a little with getting the words out.
> 
> I *think* I only have maybe 1 or 2 chapters left, and I always struggle when I reach the end of a story.
> 
> I have been BLOWN away by all the positive responses this fic has been getting, and I can't thank everyone enough for all the comments and kudos. Seriously, thank you so much <3

**** Peter saw a different side to Lara Jean when he dragged her out to an estate sale at almost the crack of dawn. Whenever he’d been to one before with his mom, or on his own, he’d been bored - simply going to the house, getting the stuff he needed, and heading back home - but with Lara Jean with him it was so different.

She had this innate ability to lighten the mood of any situation, to make things much more enjoyable without even trying. Like when he explained about the Epsteins and their ‘rivalry’, she was so gung ho in beating them. It was hilarious and made him fall in love with her that little bit more… not that he… well, yeah.

_ Thanks for coming to the estate sale with me this weekend. You made the day fun. I owe you one _

She promised him that she’d enjoyed herself, and she looked like she was telling the truth. Gen had never even considered the idea of going with him when his mom had him go out on a run for the store, but after he talked her into it, Lara Jean never once hesitated. She even agreed to go with him again.

If he was honest with himself, he didn’t care what they were doing, he just really enjoyed spending time with her. Whether it was at one of their houses - usually hers - watching TV or studying, in the library, or at the diner after his practice or a party.

But he wasn’t honest with himself, not completely. He told himself that it was all still fake, they were still pretending.

:: ::

After the mix up with the note about the first party, Lara Jean read every note he gave her. Knowing that would normally have made Peter nervous about what he was writing in them, but it didn’t. He pulled his notebook out of his bag and began to write. Lara Jean had been off school with a bad head and he’d felt weird without her around.

_ Missed you today. Hope you feel better tomorrow. _

“Hey, Kavinsky. What’s put a goofy smile on your face?” Gabe sat down on the bleachers next to him with a heavy bump.

“Nothing.” He shoved his notebook and pen in his bag so his best friend wouldn’t see.

“Nothing my ass Kavinsky.” Gabe stared at him in silence.

“What’s that look for?”

“Ever since you started dating Largie, you’ve been different.”

“What do you mean, different?”

“Good different. When you were with Gen you kept your head down, did what  _ she  _ wanted, what she told you to do.” Peter started to interrupt him, but Gabe cut him off. “Wait. Hear me out bro. You know none of us really… er… liked Gen, and she made it painfully obvious that she didn’t like us and that she thought you spent too much time with us. But, Largie lets you be you. She accepts we’re bros and doesn’t care that you hang with us after practice. She’s good for you man.”

Peter was speechless. He and Gabe had been friends, best friends, since eighth grade and they’d never talked to one another like this. They’d been all about the sport and the girls - well, Gabe was about the girls while he had Gen. He didn’t know what to say.

“Uh… thanks?”

“Seriously man, I know you and Gen are still… friends. Don’t let that chick ruin what’s happening between you are Largie.”

“Look, me and Lara Jean… we…” He didn’t know how to verbalise it without giving away that they were faking.

“Yeah, it’s clear what you two are. I just can’t believe you’re not boning her yet. That chick is so into you, just as much as you’re into her. Just don’t let Gen screw it up for you both.”

Peter stared at his best friend, not sure about what to say. All that was flying through his mind was ‘there’s nothing to ruin’, but not only would that give away his and Lara Jean’s secret, but it wasn’t the full truth anymore, not where Peter was concerned at least. As far as he knew, Lara Jean didn’t feel anything for him beyond friendship.

“Just remember that you’re better off without Gen and that Largie is crazy about you.”

Gabe snatched a homemade cookie from the box next to Peter and walked away with no idea what to say or think.


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shift in the relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, apologies for the short update. Whenever I get to the end of a story, I really struggle to get the words out...
> 
> The next chapter is most likely going to be the last one, and I'm unsure if I'll expand beyond where the movie left things if I'm honest, but I'll never say never...
> 
> Again, a mix of book and movie is included in this chapter.

**** Christmas at Peter’s house was rough, even two years after his dad left. There were reminders in all the the decorations that he and Owen had hung on the tree and around the house. If he’d had a job or savings, he would have thrown them all away and bought new stuff, but he had neither and he also knew that Owen would have never forgiven him.

Peter may have thought he hated his dad, but Owen still loved him and saw him fairly regularly. Peter understood why his little brother wanted a relationship with their dad, he did, but he wanted nothing to do with him and his new family.

It was one of the main reasons he spent so much time at the Covey house. Kitty and Lara Jean had done an amazing job decorating their house, making it look even more homey than it usually did. The house was warm and welcoming, just like the family that lived in it, and Peter couldn’t help but be attracted to it, and them.

Watching them plan stuff for the holiday season was fun, and he loved being included, even if Sanderson did butt in way too much when he showed up.

_ If you make Josh’s dumb white-chocolate cranberry cookies and not my fruitcake ones, it’s over. _

Lara Jean laughed when she’d read it. It was the reaction he was looking for, he loved making her laugh.  _ Really  _ laugh, when she threw her head back and her face lit up with pure joy. She didn’t do it often, even with her family, so to get that reaction from her was like a break of sunshine in rain on a grey day, and he tried to get her to do it as much as he could.

What she hadn’t realised was, that when he wrote the note, he was being deadly serious. He trusted that when Lara Jean said that things between her and Sanderson were cool, he believed her.  _ She  _ believed that she and Sanderson were cool, were friends, but Peter knew that the guy wanted more from Lara Jean, had done ever since he’d got her letter. They may have been involved in a fake relationship, but as far as everyone else was concerned, it was the real deal.

And Peter wanted it to be real.

:: ::

He hadn’t planned for the ski trip to be the time he told Lara Jean exactly how he felt, but it was perfect. He gathered together a bunch of snacks that he liked and that he knew Lara Jean enjoyed. Kitty went with him to the Korean supermarket across town so he could pick up those yogurt drinks she loved.

But it all went to shit when she didn’t sit next to him on the bus. He hadn’t expected that for some reason; he’d assumed she’d take the seat he’d been saving and they would be enclosed in a bubble that was just them. In his mind he saw them enjoying one another’s company despite being surrounded by their classmates. He never even considered the possibility that Lara Jean would sit next to Chris.

Deep down, he knew ignoring her for the majority of the trip was petty, but he hurt. Not that he would tell anyone why he and Lara Jean weren’t spending time together. The only person who even noticed was Gabe, and he assumed it was because Lara Jean didn’t know how to ski - he’d seen her sat in the lodge by the fire curled up with a book and a hot chocolate. Peter did nothing to dissuade him of this train of thought, more than anything to save face.

The evening before they were due to go back home, he managed to get out of whatever games Gabe and the others had planned and managed to get some time to himself. Sitting in the hot tub trying to work out  _ how  _ he was feeling rather than trying to resolve anything was getting him nowhere.

When Lara Jean came out, he was tempted to carry on being an ass and heading back into the lodge, but he didn’t. He couldn’t, not when Lara Jean was looking at him the way she was, like she was seeing him for the first time.

Being with Gen was like constantly being on show, but when it was just the two of them and he saw the vulnerable side that she hid, it was great. She was a passionate person and knew how to use her body to make them both feel amazing. Lara Jean wasn’t like that at all. She knew who she was and embraced her insecurities, using them in a positive way to show the outside that she was stronger than people gave her credit.

When she kissed him properly, allowing him to pull her into his lap, he forgot about everything he and Gen had ever done together. Despite her inexperience, this Lara Jean was someone who knew what she wanted and went for it, and that was the hottest thing he’d ever experienced in his life. His breath was knocked out of him, and she was lifeline he desperately needed.

Sitting together on the bus back home was even better than he’d expected. He got a few looks from the guys, but he ignored them, choosing to concentrate on Lara Jean and where their new relationship was going to take them.

He should have known Gen wasn’t going to take things lying down after telling her things were over, once and for all, between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're still enjoying it...


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter writes more than a note...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... this is it. The final chapter. It's based more off the end of the movie than the book, simply because that scene on the lacrosse field was beautiful and sweet.
> 
> I'm so sorry it's a - short AF and b - been so long since I've updated. I've been sick with a bad head cold, and my brain turned to mush!
> 
> I honestly hope this ending works for you all.

_ Dear Lara Jean, _

_ I honestly don’t know how you managed to write five of these, I’m struggling just to get this one right. I’ve started it at least seven times, and it never sounds right. _

_ The only thing I know I want to say is how sorry I am. When you asked me about going to Gen’s room, I totally said the wrong thing. I should have told you straight away  _ why  _ I went there, I should have told you the truth full stop. _

_ I’m in love with you Lara Jean. I have been for a long time now - so long in fact that I can’t pinpoint when I fell in love with you. I knew for sure by the time you had dinner at my house for the first time, but it started before then. _

_ It wasn’t like a bolt of lightening or anything like in those movies you watch. It was gradual, so gradual that I didn’t realise until it engulfed me completely. When I realised, I couldn’t think about anything else - you dominated my every thought. _

_ But it started  _ way  _ before our agreement... _

_ It was so hard, feeling the way I felt and knowing that you believed everything between us to be fake. That you believed that all I wanted was to get back with Gen. It was never the case; I only told you that so you would agree to ‘fake’ date me. Ever since that moment in John Ambrose’s basement, I’ve watched you (not in a creepy way, I promise). You were always at the edge of my periphery, but I saw you. I noticed you and everything about you. _

_ You were, are, different to all my friends. You always knew, and still do, who you are. You never sacrificed your morals to please or impress others. Throughout high school you stayed true to yourself - something many didn’t do. Me included. _

_ I hate that I’ve hurt you, that I’ve broken your trust in me. After that time we spent in the hot tub on the ski trip - which was possibly the best night of my life - I had thought we would continue being Peter and Lara Jean, but for real. Not that anyone else would notice. _

_ But Gen had to be a prime bitch and I totally stuffed that situation up, big time. The minute I left your house at Christmas, I regretted it. More than anything, I wanted to turn back around and make you listen to me, but I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I knew it wouldn’t work.  You needed time, away from me and to have the chance to be Lara Jean again. _

_ Then that damn video happened. I’m sorry I seemed to not believe you when you said it was Gen. Deep down, I knew it was her, I just didn’t want to address it. Gen was my first in a lot of things, but she wasn’t the first girl I loved. I know that now. I thought I loved her, but it was an infatuation more than anything. Plus, when I was with her, I lost so much of myself, and who could love someone who controlled them like that? _

_ You never expected anything of me, Lara Jean. You were happy to spend time together, even if we weren’t doing anything of consequence. You accepted me for me, and didn’t ask me to change in any way. That’s how I knew I could love you, how I  _ do  _ love you. You let me be my own person, and for that I will always thank you. _

_ So, once again. I love you Lara Jean, only you and I hope I can get the opportunity to say it to your face one day. _

_ Peter. _

:: ::

The moment he turned to see Lara Jean stalking toward him on the lacrosse field, Peter couldn’t help but think about the letter he’d written - the one he promised himself that he would never show her.

Hearing her tell him she liked him, and not in a fake way, made him feel hope again. Hope that they could do this, for real. Kissing her,  _ really   _ kissing her blew his mind, and he was instantly addicted.

As they walked back to the school, he thought that maybe he would let her see his letter after all. Well, if it hadn’t been for a letter in the first place, he wouldn’t have Lara Jean Song-Covey in his life.

And that would be a tragedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been BLOWN away by the reaction to this story. I never expected to find another fandom that was so welcoming. I can't wait to write more about these crazy kids - even though I have two other fandoms to finish up stories for...
> 
> Thank you SO much for all your kind comments, kudos, and general being awesome!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I do these characters justice and I would love to hear your thoughts.


End file.
